KUALA LUMPUR, March 31 — The excitement of returning to one’s hometown for Raya starts weeks before the journey, as plans are made and the countdown to balik kampung intensifies.
For many couples, however, the joyous occasion comes with one tricky question: whose family should they visit first? This is especially challenging when both sides want to spend the first morning of Syawal in their respective hometowns.
Hayatul Nornajwa shared that she and her husband have found a rhythm that works when it comes to deciding where to celebrate Raya each year.
“My husband is very understanding and accommodating. If I want to celebrate in my hometown every year, he is okay with it. Likewise, if he wants to celebrate with his side of the family in Johor Baru, I’m also fine with it. In the end, both of us are quite flexible about it.
“His family is not too strict about celebrating Raya, but for my side, it is a big deal. We always go back to our hometown, cook together, and get the house ready for guests. It is one of the things I look forward to the most every year,” Najwa, as she prefers to be known, told Malay Mail.
The 28-year-old project manager shared that she and her husband have turned decision-making into a fun competition, often using games to settle everything from who drives home for Raya to choosing which day to return to their hometown.
Najwa is certain of one thing — she and her husband would never spend Raya apart. While some couples opt to visit their respective hometowns separately, this was never an option for her. To Najwa, Raya is about being with loved ones rather than the location.
Najwa admitted there was an unspoken pressure from older family members to balik kampung and uphold tradition, but she never sees it as a burden.
She said that having moved away for work, she cherishes the journey home, no matter how exhausting because it allows her to reconnect with family.
“Since I got married, I do not have the chance to go back as often. I work full-time, so sometimes I’m just too tired. But when I do get the chance, I do not mind following their traditions because it makes them happy. And it is only once a year,” she said.
As for last-minute changes to their Raya plans, she said that has never been an issue as the couple pride themselves on being firm planners.
While the exact travel date might not always be set early on, she said the plan remains the same, as any last-minute adjustments are usually minor — like deciding what time to leave or ensuring the car is serviced before the trip.
The real fun, she said, begins when they arrive in their hometown. In Najwa’s family, one of the biggest annual battles, she said, is the race for a bedroom.
“My father’s side of the family is huge. I have nearly 20 cousins, plus 14 uncles and aunties, so things can get pretty chaotic.
“Whoever gets there first gets the room. There used to be an unofficial ‘booking system’, even among the uncles. If you are late, well, you would just have to accept your fate and sleep outside,” she said.
For Adilla J. Sam and her husband, deciding where to celebrate Raya is always a team effort, though it does involve some back-and-forth.
The 30-year-old former national cyclist said that since her husband’s family is in Bayan Lepas, Penang, spending the first day of Raya there has never been an option.
She said they start their celebrations at her parents’ place in Putrajaya due to its short distance from Kajang, where they currently reside.
“We do argue about which house to visit first, but we always come to a compromise. I think that’s one way we navigate the situation. It just makes sense to go to the nearest house first,” she explained.
When it comes to the longest journey just to balik kampung, she said Penang takes the crown. Even once they arrive, the travelling does not stop.
“I would say Penang is the longest journey for me. Even after we get there, visiting relatives takes another two hours per location” she said.
She also said she eagerly awaits the day she can celebrate Raya in her own home, with her parents there to share the joy. The idea of hosting everyone instead of travelling is something she looks forward to.
For 32-year-old Indonesian Ratih Widia, whose husband is from Kota Baru, Raya celebrations have always been a carefully orchestrated affair.
She explained that her husband often takes the lead in decision-making, as they have agreed to alternate between their hometowns for Raya each year.
For Ratih, respecting her husband’s leadership in decision-making does not mean feeling excluded as their choices are always made together.
“If both sets of parents want us to celebrate Raya at their homes, we consider external factors, like illness or other urgent needs.
“As a wife, I respect my husband’s decisions, which are always mutual. I have never felt like my decision is being sidelined,” she added.
With her husband currently working in China, Ratih has been staying in Indonesia with her parents in Perwira, Bekasi.
Last year, she said they intended to celebrate Raya in Malaysia but ended up in Indonesia after she gave birth.
This time, she said they are planning to travel to Kota Baru to celebrate Raya.
“I remember we had to be in the car for 15 hours due to the traffic from KL to Kelantan and at one point, we even had to crash at a rest area. By the time we arrived, I could not feel my back and legs.
“It was exhausting but somehow, it is these kinds of trips that we remember the most,” she added.
Naquiyah Amalin also shared that she and her husband has agreed to spend their first Raya together at his kampung and alternate each year.
The dentist, who currently resides in Putrajaya, said that to avoid conflicts over where to celebrate Raya, she plans ahead by coordinating with her siblings.
“We agreed to start with my husband’s kampung for our first Raya together, and then alternate every year. It keeps things straightforward and fair. Both sides of the family to get equal attention without too much stress.
“We also minimised the possibility of both sides insisting on celebrating Raya at their respective homes by coordinating our Raya plans with our siblings, who are also married to spouses from different states,” she said.
When asked if celebrating Raya at their own home instead of their parents’ kampung would change the experience, she said it absolutely would.
She explained that while hosting their parents is a meaningful experience, it lacks the nostalgic comfort of being pampered with home-cooked meals and the lively atmosphere of a kampung celebration.